Premise: The cheery, professional and seasoned host of a community television program that looks at children’s toys is frustrated when the privileged son of the network president’s privileged slacker son is sent to co-host the holiday special with her.
Nancy: Before we start, how about you introduce yourself? Tell the viewers a little about the son of our network’s president.
Chet: K well, I’m pretty chill….I like hanging out. If you wanna come by on Wednesday I got a thing happening at my place. Yo guys watching this on TV, my place Wednesday.
Nancy: I’d just like to take a moment to let our viewers know that “his place Wednesday” is not an official WKTV event. Now Chet, your father is a very business oriented man. Do you plan on following in his footsteps?
Chet: Ya maybe I dunno right now I’m gonna wait and see how my rap career goes, I’m trying to pick a name, it’s down to Captain Crunk and Lil’ Skillz.
Nancy: Oh…..well that’s……interesting. Are you in school for music production?
Chet: Nah B. Not my scene. High school was siiiiiiiick though. Princeville Collegiate Class of ’98 represent!
Nancy: Alright Chet you seem like a very…youthful spirit, so this segment should be right up your alley. Let’s start with our first must-have holiday toy of 2013. It’s an indoor snowball playset. Perfect for active children. You’ll notice that the snowballs are very soft. Go on, squeeze one.
Chet: It’s like… a woman’s breast.
Nancy: Oh..well I’m not sure whether that analogy is appropriate for this program but as I was saying, these snowballs are great for kids, they can throw them inside and nobody’s going to get hurt.
Chet: What if you like, whip it really hard…at a baby?
Nancy: That’s not recommended. At all. Let’s move on to the next toy. It’s a robotic fish that swims around because the water completes the circuit and allows it to function.
Chet: What if I dropped one in a toilet full of pee? Would it still work then?
Nancy: (grits teeth) I suppose, but that’s not the intended usage. They’re meant for clean water.
Chet: Like a bathtub.
Nancy: (relieved) Yes, that’s a better idea! And they are very small, cheap stocking stuffers so you can buy three or four and let them loose in a tub.
Chet: Well Jesus could just buy one and make like five hundred out of it. BAM. No profits there.
Nancy: I believe he did that with real fish, not robotic ones.
Chet: Ok so robot Jesus then. (robot voice) PEACE-BE-WITH-YOU. HERE-ARE-SOME-ROBOT-FISH.
Nancy: Well it looks like-
Chet: CHRISTMAS-IS-MY-BIRTHDAY. BEEP-BEEP.
Nancy: It looks like we are out of time for tonight!!!
Chet: Yo but there’s one thing left, that box there.
Nancy: Due to circumstances we will be omitting that toy.
Chet: No…I wanna see.
(Chet leans over and pulls out box).
Chet: Whaaaaaat. Jr. DJ. beatmaster playset. Now we’re talking.
Nancy: Of course we are….
(Chet presses button, beat starts)
Chet: yo yo/ my name is chet and i’m here to say/ i lay down rhymes like MLK/ look at all these really cool toys/ they are for boys/ and also for girls. Now this is-
Nancy: OKAY Let’s wrap things up. I’d like to thank Chet Everton Jr. for joining us tonight.
Chet: Thank YOU Mrs. Nancy for having me.
Nancy: It was certainly an experience. And now it is definitely over.
Chet: Until next time!
Chet: My dad said if I liked this I could take Dave’s spot for good. And I totally liked this. So we’re partners now B.
Nancy: No. no. no. I don’t think so. Tell your father he can suck it. Goodbye.
(Nancy flips off the camera as she leaves the set).
Chet: yo that was mad rude. Uhhh ok viewers, happy holidays, good night, tune in in January for the Chet Everton Jr. rap hour. PEACE OUT.