Music Thoughts Sept 3 2022

The album Chopper by Kiwi jr. sounds like if Rivers Cuomo cribbed Kurt Vile’s hyper-descriptive lyrics and then recorded the most generic melodies every written with the blandest instrumentation and production available, hiding it all behind a nonchalant hipster veneer. Into the trash it goes!

Brotherkenzie is yet another mealy-mouthed zoomer who has yet to learn how to write a good song. “Die Broke” is horribly produced, “Bike No More” is two verses in search of the rest of the song and “Get on It” is yet another sarcastic Fidlar-type wannabe tune that clocks in at just about two minutes. Into the trash it goes!

I don’t know what the band Disq think they’re doing but it’s confusing. First single “Cujo Kiddies” sounds like an art school version of Mother Mother’s quirky pop, but second single sounds like a stale Gin Blossoms B-side that was left in a musty den for the past 30 years. Into the trash it goes!

Music Thoughts July 4-8 2022

I promised a few entries back that I would try my best to avoid writing tepid praise about songs that were neither fantastic nor dreadful. I have also mentioned several times that I have been trying to be more positive when it comes to critiquing music as I get very little joy from tearing down artists’ work unless it is truly terrible.

What I’m getting at is that I haven’t written for a while because there has been no good music lately and I don’t want to spend time saying “meh, it’s OK” about every song I’ve downloaded in the past month. I feel no need to write the same halfhearted semi-approval about the latest offerings from: Jimmy Eat World, Enumclaw, Imagine Dragons, Sharon Van Etten, or Broken Bells.

This has left me with precious little to dissect. So I am afraid I must get mean.

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Ten Alternate Timelines

Here are ten different visions of my life in alternate universes. Spoiler alert, they are all better than the miserable existence I lead now.

Toronto 1976

I am an entertainment journalist for the city’s largest paper, having just graduated university. With both cinema and rock music flourishing I have no shortage of content to write about.

Toronto 5183

I am a scavenger in the bone mines. Occasionally I attend The Opera, the retelling of the Great Fall. The ash has become lighter in recent weeks, and the voice from the citadel claims that we may see the sun soon.

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In Appreciation of Pitbull

It’s strange that in this age of constant consumption, when gigabytes of content are devoured whole every millisecond, that Pitbull hasn’t earned the dubious respect of the irony crowd. Heaven knows Mr. Worldwide’s given enough grist for the mill over the past decade, so why isn’t he being stanned?

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In Appreciation of Nicki Minaj’s “Starships”

I mentioned in my previous entry how Ava Max‘s potential chart-topper “Sweet But Psycho” bears all the hallmarks of this decade’s maximalist pop hits, found mostly between the years 2010 and 2012. While I’d like to save a full retrospective on those golden years for the end of this year, I do want to put the spotlight on some of those individual tracks. The first being Nicki Minaj‘s ebullient dance-pop monster “Starships”.

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