Writing Prompt: Monologue from Chet Everton Jr.

Premise: Slacker millionaire Chet Everton Jr. talks about a girl he fancies.

ok man so like there’s this girl she comes to clean our place with her family sometimes i’m pretty sure her name is like Anesthesia or something. She’s not from around here, she’s from….arrgh. She just told me last week. Old El Paso. That’s it.

Yeah so she was just cleaning my swag room and I noticed her admiring my collection of baller caps and I was like “hey girl, you like baller caps”? And she was like “yeah”. And so I gave her a Lakers cap cuz I have two and she was like “no, I can’t” but I was like “don’t worry about it I’ll just tell my dad to take it out of your paycheque”. So now every time she’s reppin’ that cap she’ll think of me. Bam. Score one point for Chet.

So now I’m thinking of asking her to chill but I don’t want to go to the lame usual first date spots like a coffee place or a field or a bench in the park or whatever so I gotta think of some really cool place. i have one idea, i could take her to jail. like for a tour. when you think about it, jail is basically a zoo, just for people. so we can visit and walk around and look at all the bad guys and maybe feed them like grains or seeds through the bars. unless they have a “please don’t feed the prisoners” policy, which would suck. but my dad is friends with a  couple of judges so he can probably pull a few strings. one time a judge was like “for the crime of street racing we are sentencing you to seven days in prison,” and I was like “no man i can’t go to jail i have plans this weekend!” and he was like “okay fine”.

dunno if my dad will help me out this time though, he’s been pretty mad at me lately, says i’m “not motivated to become independent”. which is mad lies because i’ve been working real hard on my rap album. “Rhymes from my Crib.” the cover is gonna be my face photoshopped onto a baby’s body, but the diaper is made of money. and also the baby has a six pack. of abs, not beer. but maybe a six pack of beer too. I’m gonna give a demo to Anastasia on our date. Man I’m so mad nervous about asking her though. People think that just because I have millions of dollars things are easier for me but that’s a very bigoted view because it’s just as hard for me to take a girl out as it is for any other dude. i get them butterflies too.