Writing Prompt: Chet’s Disaster Date

Premise: The buffoonish Chet Everton Jr. goes on a date, but his total lack of refinement (and basic world knowledge) wrecks it.

[Chet opens the door for Evangeline]

Chet: After you, “madam”.
Evangeline: [sits down] Thank you! This is a nice spot, have you eaten here before?
Chet: [sits down] Oh yeah, I take all of my dates here. It’s pretty swanky.
Evangeline: Wow, someone sounds like a real player.
Chet: Ya I play a lot of things…guitar, hockey, Xbox.
Evangeline: Oh… that’s interesting.
Chet: Yeah it is.
Evangeline: *clears throat*
Chet: Huh?
Evangeline: Well, would you like to know anything about me?
Chet: Oh yeah, totally! So, I noticed you were…ethnically different.
Evangeline: Excuse me?
Chet: Your face…and you…are different than me. Are you from somewhere else?
Evangeline: Oh…well…I’m from Parkdale, but my background is Egyptian.
Chet: Oh wow that’s so cool! Are your parents like, mummies?
Evangeline [chokes on water]: Pardon me?
Chet: Are they like all bandaged up and stuff? Or do they do that just like at night when they go to sleep?
Evangeline: No, they sleep in regular clothes. Like everyone else. In a bed.
Chet: I believe your people call it a “sarcophagus”.
Evangeline: No, they call it a bed.
Chet: Whoa, no need to be so snippy. You’re pretty cold for someone who lived in the desert.
Evangeline: [gets up to leave] Listen, I’m not feeling great. I’m gonna head out.
Chet: Back to the old -pyramid- I guess.
Evangeline: [pauses] OK you know what, I’m feeling fine. I just don’t think this is going to work because you are just astonishingly ignorant.
Chet: No no I’m sorry! I’m just… not very educated about the world so I try to relate to other cultures with the only facts I know about them. And most of those facts I learned from 80’s cartoons. Maybe… you can teach me some more about Egypt so I’m not so ignoment?
Evangeline: [softens, sits back down] Alright. And to be honest, my family actually didn’t live in Egypt too long. When I was two we moved to Germany-
Chet: Whaaaaaaaaat. Nazi parents! Ich bin ein-
Evangeline: [flatly] Goodbye.