Halfway Marker 2019

I took this photo on a fateful day in March of 2016, when I made a tiny decision that changed my life forever. Of course, when I took it I had no idea what I’d end up doing later that evening. I took it with the intention of it being a checkpoint, a place I’d revisit on September 16th to see how my life would be different six months later.

Here’s something similar for this year.

Right now it’s the halfway point of 2019, a year which thus far has been a grueling ordeal filled with desperate attempts at reaching out for help to no avail.

So where will I be on September 20th, the tail end of summer 2019?

Will this summer be like 2015- a bucolic, uneventful season with pleasant notes of wistfulness?

Will it be like summer 2016, a blessed couple of months where I lived some semblance of a normal existence filled with creative fulfillment and wonderful people who have all since disappeared from my life?

Or maybe 2017, where a punishing series of disappointments ultimately leads to a minor victory and a sense of relief?

Or 2018, where a personal trauma devastates me and leaves me a shadow of what I was before?

Who will I be as I head into the final major summer concert of this year? What will my station in life be as I look to the west city skyline from my seat in section 200?

My guess is that it’ll be an entirely new beast; an uneventful dozen-or-so weeks of constant work and little to no personal time. Essentially, I’ll be exactly the same person I am now, just a little more tired and a little sadder. Because if we look back at the equidistant point in the past – April 10th or so – I’m at the exact same point as I was then. Absolutely nothing has changed.

It’s fairly likely that the next time I’ll check in here will be on that date, because there’s really nothing else to say that I haven’t already said a million times before.

Hey life, if you are listening, I’d just prefer no more big bad things, ok?? Like that’s all I’m asking. I’m not even gonna bother asking for anything good to happen. Just no more crushing defeats.

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