2010: “A wedding is the best place to score”, said my co-worker, the host of a women’s lifestyle show. She told me to watch Wedding Crashers, an esteemed documentary, and then go to my friend’s wedding ready to “rock the joint”. I didn’t really want to “score” or “rock the joint”, but I WAS hoping to meet someone and forge a connection.

So, let’s look at this mathematically:

Average starting hookup-ability of ANY guy: 0 points

At a wedding: + 50 points
I was the DJ: + 20 points
I was dressed in a really nice custom made jacket: + 20 points
I was very talkative and outgoing: + 10 points
I had a great job at a popular radio station: + 5 points

So I was going into this thing with a 105% chance of “aw yeeah”. And left with no names, no numbers, no connection to anyone there. All my friends made at least 2 female Facebook friends afterwards. And I, with my insurmountable lead, was forgotten in the sands of time, whoooshhhhhhhhhh……….
Owen Wilson, how do you do it?