3.11: Joe Jackson’s Nightmare


I’ve been fortunate enough to remain friends with many of the women who have turned me down as a romantic interest, and I’m glad to have done so cuz they are great people.

Their boyfriends though… are occasionally dubious choices, and it’s often a grin-and-bear-it moment when I meet them. I’m usually thinking “Really. This chudmeister is capable of attracting this smart, funny girl and I’m not.”

A few of the guys that I’ve been passed over for:

– A guy who spent his entire paycheck on bulk candy
– A guy who considers personal hygiene a casual affair
– A guy who failed ninth grade geography three (!!!) times
– A guy who looked like Weird Al if Weird Al had his head caught in a vice grip and then vertically stretched in photoshop (his head was really thin)
– A guy who still quotes Three Days Grace lyrics despite being in his mid-20’s
– A guy whose biggest achievement in life thus far is Employee of the Month at Dunkin’ Donuts
– A guy who has only like 12 followers on Twitter and only 98 Facebook friends

And none of these goobers have even read Infinite Jest.

But OH WELL- different strokes for different folks! Some folks like Julian Casablancas. Some folks like Nikolai Fraiture. And some folks like heat stroke.