it’s been five days and it hasn’t gotten better. in fact if anything it’s only gotten worse to the point where it’s gnawing at me like some giant parasitic beetle. there were no last minute miracles, no delayed greetings.

people just straight up ignored my birthday.

in the middle of a pandemic where connection is the most important.

like i was counting on this to reconnect with people and give me some semblance of hope, something to look forward to after the lockdown ends. instead i still have not gotten a non-work related text message since december. i thought this would finally end that drought. in fact to be honest i expected a lot more.

i legitimately thought that all my hard work of entertaining people, constantly churning out content, and succeeding professionally would have people actually celebrating my birthday like birthdays are meant to be celebrated. i was expecting social media posts with “happy birthday to this guy, he’s so talented, etc”. i thought i’d finally get what literally every other person gets. instead not only did i not get that, i got even worse. not one person even attempted a personal message. the entire day i waited and waited and nothing.

this is exactly why i don’t want the lockdown to end. i don’t want things to “go back to normal”. normal sucked. i don’t want to go back to it. now at the very least i can have my constant anxiety attacks in peace.

i just don’t understand. this hurts so much. why does nobody care about me?

am i just fundamentally unlikeable?