Writing Prompt: Lazy Clown

Premise: A very non-committal clown talks about himself.

People often ask me why I’m so funny. At least three times a day.  It’s actually because of my heritage…I’m a clown. Unfortunately not a purebred clown though. I’m 1/8th clown, father’s side. Which is alright, but it’s just short of being protected under the Circus Workers Preservation Act of 1865. If I were I/7th clown I would have gotten a whole bunch more benefits…more health coverage, easier access to housing. Even full tuition for clown college! But I didn’t make the cut, so now I have to save up if I want to get into Seneca.

I might not be a full clown, but please don’t hesitate to book me to your event. I do it all- birthday parties, corporate events, weddings, baptisms. I must warn you though, I’m not like other clowns. I won’t confirm if I’m actually coming to your event or not.

I don’t like committing to things because I don’t want to lose the element of surprise. So I never say YES, I am coming to your event, because then you’ll expect me and there won’t be any fun in my entrance. So I might attend. Maybe. Who knows?

That’s why they call it a cliffhanger you know. When you’re hanging on to the ledge of that cliff, you don’t want to know what’s gonna happen. You don’t want to know if you’ll get up onto the ledge or fall into the abyss. That ruins the whole fun of hanging off a cliff.

So yeah, I might show up at your event, maybe. You’ll just have to wait and see. I’m the same with all my engagements. Wedding invitation? Put me down as a “might attend halfway through the reception”. Interview for a job? Schedule it for 11:00 and wait in suspense. Then, just as you’re ready to give up, I’ll show up at 11:14 and BAM. You’ll be all like “Oh he’s unpredictable. We have to hire this guy.”

I do take payment up front though. And no refunds. It’s a gamble I know but hey so is life. What’cha gonna do?

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